Builder or Wrecker?

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I am home from work today with day 2 of the flu. One good thing about being sick is that if forces me to stop moving and just lie around. I’m getting lots of quiet time to think, naps, and rare time with my television.

As a child of the 80’s, I stopped my mindless channel surfing yesterday to watch the last half of the movie Pretty Woman. Edward Lewis is a rich businessman who buys companies and then sells them off for parts and profit.

One sub-plot in the movie is Edward’s desire to buy an ailing company from James Morse, putting him out of business. In the end, with some influence from Vivian (a hooker, but that’s a plot we won’t get into here), Edward decides to partner with James and build something great — rather than destroy James’ company. Here’s a clip of that pivotal scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfsDn4XH31E

I’ve had lots to time to think over these last two days, and I keep coming back to this central question:

Are you a builder or a wrecker?

Back in 2005, I listened to an audio recording by Michael Josephson’s Character Counts organization about this same topic. It contained the following verse by an unknown poet:

I watched them tearing a building down,
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a ho, heave, ho and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and a wall fell.
I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled?
Like the men you’d hire if you had to build?”
He laughed as he replied, “No, indeed
Just common labor is all I need.
I can easily wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken years to do.”
I asked myself as I went away
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Or am I a wrecker who walks the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?

I truly believe that people fall into one of these 2 categories:

Builder or Wrecker.

Think about the place you work. Identify the colleagues that are collaborative, supportive and working toward a common goal. These individuals show up with generosity and are likely involved in building something positive each day — whether it be work product or personal interactions.

But if there’s a colleague engaged in backstabbing, gossip and undermining, you are working with a wrecker. Rather than contribute something of value, they take pleasure in tearing down the work of others. They only feel important when they are creating drama and chaos.

Characters in the movie like Edward Lewis and his attorney Philip Stuckey, only build something for themselves by wrecking something belonging to someone else. Rather than stand on their own positive body of work, they obtain power by ruining the work of others.

Building and wrecking doesn’t have to be tied to a product — it’s also a mindset. I am surrounded by builders:

• My friend Siri, who builds better communities for women and children in our area through her Be Bag Project.
• My clients, who strive to create better organizations for their employees and students.
• My friend Beth, who spreads love and light literally wherever she goes.
• My mom, who counsels people who are in the depths of grief, helping them build new futures for themselves.
• My friend Melissa, who is wrapping up “cookie camp” and getting ready to ship hundreds of care packages this week to homesick college students.
• My friends Rick (https://www.dezystrong.org/) and Kelly (https://www.powerplaynyc.org/), both of whom serve on non-profit boards for organizations focused on helping others.
• I could keep going and going…

Being a builder is not an easy path. It takes time, emotional labor and skill. It can be exhausting because you are never finished —builders always see more and better work to be done.

I am a builder. I surround myself with builders. I work hard each day to show up in a positive way and do the hard work of building.

So my challenge to you is this: find some quiet time. Be still. Look in the mirror. Really look. Ask yourself:

Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Or am I a wrecker who walks the town
Content with the labor of tearing down?

The people around you already know your truth. If you don’t like your answer, change your behavior. Your mindset and your actions are choices you make every day.

And hopefully you can find some quiet time to think about this without getting the flu.